Why I Love Our Tradition of Family Meetings
When I first wrote about family meetings, I had young kids (2 and 5 yrs old). It’s funny to go back and read about our early meetings.
“While these meetings are mildly productive at this stage, I know there will be other phases down the road when they will feel like an absolute necessity.“
This couldn’t be more true! It’s now been more than 10 years since we started weekly meetings, and I can attest to the power of this ritual. Family meetings can revolutionize family dynamics.
What’s a family meeting?
A family meeting will look different for every family and every aged child, but the magic is the same. Meetings help families to stay connected, keep kids involved in decisions and plans, and create an intentional space to discuss troubling issues or behavior.
I remember that first phase of our girls telling on each other. They were so young and had such big feelings and such limited vocabulary. My greatest parenting moment may have been when I got them to bring the concerns to the meeting. They learned how to have difficult conversations with each other. They learned how to listen to another perspective. They learned how to take responsibility and fix an issue. They began learning the importance of setting boundaries. They also felt heard and responded to.
Aside from discussing behavior issues, we also used meetings to discuss big ideas, like allowance or the budget. (I’m a big believer in educating around financial literacy at all ages). This has come in handy again during the pandemic, when my husband’s practice was closed for a few months. Our income changed and this impacted the whole family, so we huddled like a team to get on the same page.
Why every family benefits from family meetings:
Family meetings can revolutionize family dynamics, by creating a more connected and positive family culture. In a time when isolation and disconnection is a common experience, creating true connection is all the more important.
The family meeting seems so simple, yet it plays a powerful role in keeping lines of communication open, which only gets more complex as kids get older and crave separation
Tips for successful meetings
Expectations: Don’t expect the first meeting to feel successful. With younger kids it will be chaotic. With older kids it may be disrespected. Keep going.
Marketing: As with all things parenting, your success lies in how you position it to your kids.
Rules: Set some basic guidelines for speaking one at a time, listening, not interrupting, no electronics, honesty, etc.
Go Around: Create a method for covering all topics. The "go around" method works well. Go around the table to give everyone an opportunity to respond to the topic. Some families begin by complimenting each family member, then raising issues, then problem-solving. Choose a system that works best for you.
Short & Sweet : Set a time and be consistent, with a short, focused, and entertaining meeting. Rethink “meeting”. It doesn't need to be serious or formal. Show up and make it a positive experience so that everyone wants to continue.
I’d love to hear what ideas you have for family meetings and topics to discuss. We are rethinking allowances and will tackle that at our meeting this Sunday!